Friday, November 17, 2017

L is for the way you lie to me...

"People say they love you, but what they mean is, they love how loving you makes them feel about themselves. Or they love what they can take from you."
-To the Bone

 I don't love well. I throw money at things. Money I don't have. Debit that I don't care about because it's too scary and I'm pretty sure I'll kill myself by the time I'm sixty. So why fall in love? I can't even be a good friend. I'm actually a pretty terrible friend.

 "Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. You don’t need another person lying to you. Things don’t all add up. But you are resilient. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life."

Monday, October 30, 2017

what is force?

 "You're manipulating the situation in a way that gives no one a way out. That's force. Look it up."

Gilmore girls season one, episode 3 "Kill Me Now"
Totally taken out of context but this is my life right now.

Something happened, with a guy...It scared me.
I am fine, I handled it.

But emotionally I'm a little messed up. My recall is fuzzy (screw you angry orchard). On the same night I was an asshole to a guy I am lucky to call a friend. I hate myself for that. I hate that I got myself in this kind of situation.

I said no when it was time...and I physically followed through (hence my soreness). I stood up for myself. I stopped something that could have ended terribly.

I can't deal, but I'm telling everyone I'm ok. I'm a f*#king liar.
I think "call E, go sleep on her couch," but I can't. All I do is sleep.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Rawr. A rant.

So many facebook posts are about "faith in humanity restored" and feature an old person or someone with special needs. Why is it news when we are kind? Why are we shocked? Why do we ask for congratulations for treating humans like humans? Yes, it's great that you did something compassionate, but I wish that it were the norm, not a news-worthy exception.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017


I am a part time employee but I wear the weight of the shop  I drove to another town today to get a copy of an old paper. How did I get myself into this??? This guy came to pick up his order, it wasn't right, so this new girl came to get me...Poor guy looked so sad, before I knew it I was promising a fix I couldn't deliver. Coworker "fixed" it, but when I walked in Monday I just...

I just realized why I don't blog anymore...MY LIFE IS LAME!