L is for the way you lie to me...

"People say they love you, but what they mean is, they love how loving you makes them feel about themselves. Or they love what they can take from you."
-To the Bone

 I don't love well. I throw money at things. Money I don't have. Debit that I don't care about because it's too scary and I'm pretty sure I'll kill myself by the time I'm sixty. So why fall in love? I can't even be a good friend. I'm actually a pretty terrible friend.

 "Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. You don’t need another person lying to you. Things don’t all add up. But you are resilient. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life."

2FAN and Polka

2nd Friday Art Night is a thing where a bunch of galleries downtown stay open late. There are exhibit openings, food and beer from locals, and my favorite...live music.

Tonight I had a freak-out. I drove past the first place I wanted to go, started crying, and kept driving. I ended up crying in a parking lot outside this museum, one I almost kinda feel comfortable in.

I went in, eventually, tucking in behind an old couple to pretend I belonged. There was a "ghost story" thing and I finally started to breathe normally.

On to my second stop. First thought: I know nothing about wine so I just pointed to the prettiest bottle and said "that one!"  Second thought: CHEESEDIPCHEESEDIPCHEESEDIP. Third thought: HL frames represent!

No thoughts after that. Just men with accordions, doing the chicken dance, and polka-ing my arse off. I chuckled the whole way back to my car (which made me look even crazier so I laughed harder).

Be a fool. Have fun. Hang out with old folks.

oh andre

Seriously, he gets me.

I'm not satisfied

nerdiness revealed

My mind runs in book form most of the time. If I've been reading a lot (especially fiction), its even worse. Sometimes, at the end of the day, I find myself coming up with chapter titles, had my day been transcribed in such.

For example:

"Adventures in Splinter Removal," or "What Else Will I Find Embedded in My Flesh Today"

"Another Musical Moment that Changed Me"

"Faces, Questions, and the Cupid Shuffle"





In other news, I fear that I've been using "ect" to abbreviate etcetera again.

big brother

I've never been one for conspiracy theories or whining about the government's invasion of privacy, but I'm beginning to rethink my naivety.  Maybe they know more about me than I thought. . .

While registering to apply for state jobs, this was my captcha:

All DP?  As in All Dr Pepper?   That's me alright.







Then I ran into this:

 

Excuse me?  First of all, why can't  it contain a dictionary word?  Its called a password, not a passnonsensestringofcharacters.

Second, "julio" simply cannot be a common password, let's be honest.  So it must violate the dictionary rule, right?  But what dictionary are they using?

2 hours later: I've finally registered but my password is more complex than a DNA double helix.

And here's a picture of my dad putting a skirt on Julio to calm everyone's nerves:

year. in. review.

The end of a year...another year. A year I tried to ignore. To simply survive. I suppose I did that [we'll see in a few days I suppose].

My year started off on a high note with my niece seeing my name on the "Armstrongs" wall at my old gym and being pretty impressed. I think I did like 70 push-ups to get my name on that wall. To be fair, I was 12 and like 80 lbs. [Currently in early 2013 I was at my max weight due to, well, weight gain, and medicine changes that seriously added to that gain-age]

Then, for the second time ever, I ate a salad. And liked it. Thus began the year of Arby's grilled chicken, no tomatoes, with balsamic vinaigrette salads.

THEN...I decided to get a kitten, but wrecked my car instead.
A short time later, my sister was in a wreck. Despite having talked about possibly giving her car to me, my mom and dad decided to give her car to my sister. I understood...she had a proper life,Despite rolling the sucker they were able to make it drivable...just not-so-much desirable. It doesn't lock so it get's broken into fairly often and I'm quite certain it's been slept in a few times.

In April...I QUIT DR PEPPER.
To be fair, it wasn't by choice. I was prescribed a medicine that's side effect was unfortunately making carbonated beverages tastes horrible. So, after 6-7 year of guzzling this stuff, it was no longer appealing. I mean wow. Darkie Pepper, R.I.P.

The bigger news I suppose, was that I quit drinking...
     like...alcohol...
     It had gotten pretty bad. Worse than I would admit to just about anyone. And it'd been like that for awhile. The booze was behind so many of the bad decisions I'd made the past year or three. I knew it worried my mum. Maybe that was what inspired the change. I honestly don't know. One day, at 11am, instead of vodka, I decided to drink water.
This was honestly the biggest turning point in my year.
        {I didn't quit drinking entirely...just as a lifeline. I drink occasionally, on weekends...when the time is right}

But wait! I got a job!
Apparently even the " mentally interesting" are good for something...and but "something" I mean "retail."

At some point mid-summer I began taking this medicine that soldiers with PTSD take...because my dreams are so whacked.

Jars of Clay came to LR are were AMAZING.

I randomly began to puke. A stress reaction perhaps?...about 4 months later and I still don't know.

Then I hung out with the ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend. Confused? Just go with it...


And now?

Yeah...
About that...
I am SERIOUSLY in denial...
...about my age.
...about my "career," ha!
...about the future.
...about just about everything including who I am and who I should have been...

Who needs skin on their thumb anyway?

Once upon a time a girl created a piece of art.  It was very mixed-media-y. . . made of wood, bottle caps, lambs wool, and mirrors.  A year passed and, although the girl liked the concept, she became dissatisfied with the way it was put together.  She began deconstructing it, saving as many of the original elements as she could.

Unfortunately, this girl never went to kindergarten, so she was never taught not to be a "glue monster."

She tore the bottle caps off the wool as carefully as she could, but giant,wooly blobs of glue clung to the backs.


In a moment of rare stupidity, the girl grabbed a steak knife to scrape the blobs.  As you can imagine, this didn't end well, but with a few bandaids on her index finger she was back to work.

Then, in an even rarer moment of pure lunacy, she grabbed an exacto knife to resume the glue excavation.

*slip*

*slice*

*panic*

Obviously the concept of learning from one's mistakes was foreign to this girl.

Four words come to mind...

Truth

Confessions:

1. I can be horrible, even more so to my friends.
2. I avoid things I fear or that appear difficult.
3. I text too much and call too little.
4. I punch holes in walls and commit other destructive acts when I let my anger rule me.
5. I expect too much.
6. I expect too little.
7. I judge people based on personalized license plates.

ewww

You know you lead a life full of ghetto-ness when your grocery checkout girl loses a pink, blue, and silver fingernail inside your 12 pack of Dr Pepper, and you find said nail 2 weeks later.

My fear...

No shame in high maintence snoozing...

I just pulled four band-aids out of my pillowcase.  No wonder I can't sleep.  Screw you Princess with Pea issues...

An issue of integrity, kind of...

So, due to some creative phone-plan contriving, my niece has ended up with a cell phone and texting abilities...Yes, she is seven...

This situation begs for mischief and corruption. . . can you really blame me??

Tonight's interaction:

HP: Hi
DRC: Hi! Go hug your mom and tell her she has spagetti eyeballs and is beautiful, ok?
HP: No
DRC: Why? She will like it and give you a big hug, and I will give you a quarter


This is why I should not be trusted around children.

Silver lining: I didn't even say a bad word!

Wet feet + linoleum + running = hello new bruises. . .

Let's count the unexplainable bruises...

In college, my roommate frequently ended stories with "and then I found five dollars."
This was usually untrue, but yesterday I realized I could develop a similar, but true, trademark story-ending:

"And then I fell down."

[such is my life]

I...have...arrived...

So, I'm partly watching an old Without a Trace, kinda eating dinner, and browsing these internets, and something made me google the phrase "presto change-o eureeka's castle"

Then, my friends, the unthinkable happened...

See that first result?  That's my xanga, from 2005.
Whaaaat?
Ridiculous, but it proves that I'm just as strange/nerdy as I was six years ago, since I was googling the same thing.

Alright, set your watches. . . my fifteen minutes start now. . .

truth

Awkward is. . .

...skipping church then biking past with a friend just as everyone is leaving...

I couldn't have timed it better if I tried.


[but I finally had a real conversation.  Too bad I had to look outside the church to find it]


In other news, I have approximately 427 new bruises.  Pourquoi?

your wood and metal are no match for me

Today when I went to work I left through my back door.  The lock on that door doesn't really like my key, so I came in through the front.  Well, I tried to. . . but it was chained.

Brilliant.

After spending what felt like an hour fighting with my key and the back door I gave up.  I figured my options were a locksmith or finding a place that sold decent bolt cutters at 10pm.  Neither sounded appealing.

I went with my third option:

I am part macgyver and part incredible hulk.  Do not get in my way.

hey, it's my life and I can make adventures whenever I want

Apparently the squirrel theme has taken over my blog...

The squirrels have been suspiciously quiet for a few days.  I assumed they froze to death, or someone might have actually come to exterminate them.

But just moments ago I began to hear a scratching/chopping noise.  I climbed on my couch and peered behind my RediShade, but I couldn't see anything abnormal (more specifically, I didn't see anyone fixing my roof, which is what I hope for).

I debated ignoring it, but what self respecting nancy drew would balk at a little investigation?  Once outside, I turned and found a furry beast sitting in what once was a rain gutter. . .

He was staring at me.

My brain instinctively went into macgyver mode.  I had a ponytail holder, and had a passing pedestrian not startled him, I'm sure I would have taken that evil little devil squirrel out. . .