nerdiness revealed

My mind runs in book form most of the time. If I've been reading a lot (especially fiction), its even worse. Sometimes, at the end of the day, I find myself coming up with chapter titles, had my day been transcribed in such.

For example:

"Adventures in Splinter Removal," or "What Else Will I Find Embedded in My Flesh Today"

"Another Musical Moment that Changed Me"

"Faces, Questions, and the Cupid Shuffle"





In other news, I fear that I've been using "ect" to abbreviate etcetera again.

or maybe I'm just peter pan

Lately I've been wondering if I missed my calling as a junior high literature teacher...
Don't get me wrong, I still don't like kids, but junior high people are in the midst of chaos, much like myself, so I feel their pain...kinda...
Also, I'm addicted to audiobooks.  Seriously addicted.  For really real.  And I find myself drawn to YA fiction.  Partly its the length...I'm afraid of most books audiobooks that last more than ten hours.  Seven-ish hours is ideal.  Maybe its ADD, maybe just a fear of commitment.  Whatever the reason, most YA books fit this requirement.
I wanted to like the Twilight stuff, but I'm sorry, I just couldn't.  Too much scifi and melodrama.  My favorite?  Anything by John Green.  Once, while listening to Looking for Alaska, I did the ugly cry in the middle of Funwash.

Awkward, yes...but this was Funwash.

inexplicable dilemma

Books are, and have almost always been, my best friends (second only to good music).  An escape, a companion, a distraction, encouragement. . .

But, if this is a true relationship, it cannot be without faults. . .

The days of escape and distraction are glorious gifts, but in the same manner, some books will hurt you.  While I read, I release my grip on self, and become completely vulnerable to the instability of the characters, taking it on myself in an almost supernatural way.  The pain, injustice, and heartbreak of this fictional person becomes my own.

Maybe some would consider this a testament to the authors talent, and I suppose it is.  But in my human weakness, overwhelmed with these feelings, encountered only by proxy, that I am not equipped to deal with. . . it is too much.  I find myself broken and lost, drowning in a situation that is not actually mine.

How do I create and maintain boundaries between myself and these characters, without losing my treasured relationship with books all together?

And how, for the love, do I explain my vicarious pain and crippling heartache to those who have never connected in such a way?

sharpie shrapnel

I have a riduclous amount of art supplies.  Beyond ridiculous.  It's like someone magically fit an entire Hobby Lobby into a shoebox and mailed it to me.  I opened it, then BOOM

Acrylics and brushes and findings and rub-ons went everwhere.  My living room has never recovered.

Still, I keep getting stuck mid-project without whatever crafting I need to continue.  Tonight it's spray adhesive and some sort of glazing medium.

But really, these things haven't been around forever, and great art has.  I like what Hugh MacLeod says:

The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.
Abraham Lincoln wrote The Gettysberg Address on a piece of ordinary stationery that he had borrowed from the friend whose house he was staying at.


James Joyce wrote with a simple pencil and notebook. Somebody else did the typing, but only much later.


Van Gough rarely painted with more than six colors on his palette.


I draw on the back of wee biz cards. Whatever.


There's no correlation between creativity and equipment ownership. None. Zilch. Nada.


Actually, as the artist gets more into his thing, and as he gets more successful, his number of tools tends to go down. He knows what works for him. Expending mental energy on stuff wastes time. He's a man on a mission. He's got a deadline. He's got some rich client breathing down his neck. The last thing he wants is to spend 3 weeks learning how to use a router drill if he doesn't need to.

This guy is full of great stuff.  For real.  Go buy his book.  Actually, buy two, and give one to me.

take a look, its in a book

Lately I've been reading Restless Faith by Winn Collier. So far, its amazing, so I wanted to share a few pieces (and perhaps entice you to read it yourself).

True theology is never a dry, intellectual exercise; rather, it is the endeavor to be consumed with the reality of the One who is beyond our categories in such a way that we point in his direction.



God has gone to incredible lengths to pursue his own glory by winning the hearts of his people. And these incredible lengths step outside our bounds, outside our sensibilities.


...we struggle because of how faith has been defined for us. We have been told that faith is claiming a reality and seeing it come to pass. Faith is taking God at his word and waiting until we see him move.


We often approach God as a means to get what we want, but his desire is to in fact be what we want.

mustache plates and heavenly high-fives

Today was the fullest day ever...I don't have time to blog, why am I not in bed???

• I might be back in my boss' good graces...He winked at me today, not the kinda creepy hitting on me wink like the Dillards guy though. I deserve it, I wasn't originally scheduled for today but I showed up at 8:20(AM!).

• I traded the truck for a G6. I'm getting spoiled and I like it...
  

• The Circuit City going-out-of-business sale is disappointing.

• I think the economy is even affecting thrift stores...I spent $40 at Savers today...how is that even possible??? (but I got a copy of Mike Yaconelli's Dangerous Wonder for $1. My copy is too marked up to lend it out, but I highly recommend this book and would LOVE to give the new one away to anyone interested. Its amazing, he's amazing. Giving away books makes my day).

• The most disturbing thing I saw at Savers:
  

• Speaking of recommending, don't use Asher Wrecker...Their fees are ridiculous and they're incredibily rude. I had to get my junk out of my trunk (seriously) today so I got a few photos of the damage:
  
  My front bumper was in the backseat...I was sad that the hubcaps were gone...the ones for that model car fall off easily, so they sell great on ebay!
  It was so close to the next car that I had to maneuver in and out through barely opened doors, so I kept dropping stuff, including a tampon. As a passive aggressive act of vengeance I left it on the ground as a nice present for one of the not-so-nice men. (What? Who does that?? Oh, me...)

• I went to the doctor today since things have been going downhill...well, except for the past two days. I realized yesterday that I felt better, more like myself, than I had in awhile, even before the wreck. The reason? Zyprexa, the newest ingredient to my pharmacutical cocktail.
  

• I got two amazing surprises at the doctor's. My insurance was just changed and it actually covers my doctor now...I only paid a $30 copay! Thats the least I've paid in the 7-8 years I've been seeing this guy.
  The second surprise was a bag of gold. Ok, not really, but might as well be. Another one of my doctor's patients had been using the same drug as me, the one I pay at least a $150 copay for, but he's getting off it and thanks to my doctor's quick thinking I get his leftovers. He used one of those 3-month mail order pharmacies, so there's a ton of it...like over a thousand dollars worth of medicine. Yeah. That was, like , 12 high-fives from God.
  

wishes

Just added to my amazon wishlist:



Spectacular Sins: And Their Global Purpose in the Glory of Christ, John Piper





Love One Another: Becoming the Church Jesus Longs For, Gerald Sittser (who also wrote The Will of God as a Way of Life...très bien).




Speaking of my wishlist...here's a fun story...

I had a stack of mail waiting for me when I got back from my 10 day "experience" in Texas. I let it sit for a few days, but eventually I needed to look for bills and such. Mid-way through the pile I found a "sorry we missed you" notice from the post office letting me know I had a package to pick up. I didn't remember ordering anything, but I honestly wasn't sure, especially when the clerk handed me an amazon.com box (cause let's be honest, I've gotten quite a few of those since I discovered the joys of online shopping).



When I opened it and found a gift-wrapped package shaped suspiciously like a book, I assumed my mom had bought it. But the card read,

Thanks for wishing for my book! If you enjoy it, email me & I'll send a PDF of the next one, due out in June.
Pete

Pete?


Inside I found this:




Ooooh...that Pete. As in Pete Gall, author of one of my favorite books, Gall: Five Years of Unfettered Christian Exploration Somewhere Between Youth Group and the Rest of Life.
()

In a message on Gall's amazon page he writes

Zondervan has purchased "Gall" as part of a two-book deal! This version will be significantly overhauled for a broader audience (less profanity, no typos, stronger content, shorter total length) and will be killed off a few months from now (October?), with the revised book being released in February, 2008.

This self-published version - now referred to as "the underground version" - contains characters and stories that will not remain in the revised book, and while I think the revised product is significantly stronger, some people who will prefer the rawness of "Gall" over the revision, which is slated to be called "My Beautiful Idol."

So essentially, I've already read this book. But I love it. And I re-read all or part of it as needed. So when I first heard it was being re-released (so not the correct term) I added it to my growing list of wishes.

And that wish was fulfilled, by the author himself.


Who does that?


Pete does. Because he's awesome.

To learn more about Pete and his awesomeness, read the book. Seriously. Ideally you should buy it here and help support the man, but if you're really nice I might lend you my copy.









In other news...

• I'm pretty happy about this. They creep me out.
• Fakejasonboyett's twitter is highly entertaining.
• My shoulders are going to look like this if I keep working at Michaels. Unloading the truck makes me feel hardcore.
• I worked from 9-5(30ish) today without a break or lunch til 3:30. I don't even think stopped to pee all day.
• Sleep and I are still in a fight, but if I ever expect to reconcile, I'd better go to bed now.

an excerpt...

from a letter I received today:

I'm still reading the book about depression and it has caused me to think about certain things in a different way. For instance, wanting to die is not necessarily wanting to commit suicide. Another thing thats ironic is that legal drugs take a long time to work and illegal drugs work immediately but just for a short time. Another thing is that people make statements like "I'm going to have a nervous breakdown" and "I need my medication," and they are made in a humorous light, but they really have no idea. (emphasis mine)

The book he referred to is The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon. I highly recommend it, for those who suffer from depression as well as those who do not.

FAITH

Its been a recurring theme in my life lately. I've been to both extremes and everywhere in between, from feeling solid as a rock to praying like the man in Mark 9:24, then feeling that faith itself was completely pointless. . .
In Walking on Water Madeleine L'Engle says;

"Faith is for that which lies on the other side of reason. Faith is what makes life bearable, with all its tragedies and ambiguities and sudden, startling joys."

Lately my life seems ultra-tragic and uncertain for sure, and nothing seems to make sense. I find my most common cry is "I don't know what to do..."

Time, love, and Jesus though, right?

Other People's Words

"We are all born with a deep desire to please God, housed in the flesh and bone of human limitation. It is a good desire. I believe it is a God given desire. One that can either be unleashed through a hand-in-hand relationship with the true God or crushed under the foot of religious guilt and obligation. For there is a fine line between pleasing and performing."
-Jarrett Stevens, The Deity Formerly Known as God


"Truth, in the end, is not a propositional statement, its a man. If you know the Man you know the Truth."
-Tony Campolo


"Almost every day I feel momentary flashes of hopelessness and wonder every time whether I am slipping. For a petrifying instant here and there, a lightning-quick flash, I want a car to run me over and I have to grit my teeth to stay on the sidewalk until the light turns green; or I imagine how easily I might cut my wrists; or I taste the metal tip of a gun in my mouth; or I picture going to sleep and never waking up again. I hate those feelings, but I know they have driven me to look deeper at life, to find and cling to reasons for living. I cannot find it in me to regret entirely the course my life has taken."
-Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon




And this is great: