Friday, July 4, 2008


Is this me?  Is this my life?  Is this how its going to be until it ends? 
To call it a rollarcoaster isn't quite right, but its the closest comparison I can come up with.
My mind isn't satisfied with a usual meloncholy, it must take it deep, and deeper.
When I'm ok I forget how intense the bad is, so it sort of shocks me when it hits, but then its oddly familiar.
7 years of trying, but not curing, only managing.  Average life expectancy is what, 78?  So thats 50 or so more years of semi-successful "managing."  50 years of side effects.  50 years of copays and pharmacies.  50 years of coping in my own ways, scars on top of scars.
 I can't help but ask why.  Why would a loving Creator allow his creation to be plagued by darkness?  If you've never been here, you have no credibility to answer.
Excuse me, I have to go, there's a mechanism calling my name...

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