darkness

Is this me?  Is this my life?  Is this how its going to be until it ends? 

To call it a rollarcoaster isn't quite right, but its the closest comparison I can come up with.

My mind isn't satisfied with a usual meloncholy, it must take it deep, and deeper.

When I'm ok I forget how intense the bad is, so it sort of shocks me when it hits, but then its oddly familiar.

7 years of trying, but not curing, only managing.  Average life expectancy is what, 78?  So thats 50 or so more years of semi-successful "managing."  50 years of side effects.  50 years of copays and pharmacies.  50 years of coping in my own ways, scars on top of scars.

 I can't help but ask why.  Why would a loving Creator allow his creation to be plagued by darkness?  If you've never been here, you have no credibility to answer.

Excuse me, I have to go, there's a mechanism calling my name...