broken

The reality of my life isn't pretty right now, but I sometimes forget how shocking and overwhelming it can be to some people.

When faced with a rather ugly but real piece of my life today, a dear friend left. Like, she got up and physically left my apartment.

I wanted to be mad, but mostly I was just sad. Not really hurt that she left, but sad that this is my reality right now. Normalcy does exist for some people, just not for me. Being able to function and deal with life without intense and extreme emotional responses isn't an option for me. The physical manifestations of the emotional trauma only set me further from real life.

I can't explain why or how they way I feel, and I can't will myself to be/think/feel/do any different. I just need someone to accept me as a broken, malfunctioning mess, and not try to fix me. . . because you can't. I need friends, not healers. Someone to see me as a person to be loved, not fixed.