Monday, May 4, 2009


I can't say for sure how much the weather affects my mood, but lately, the clouds and storms outside my window are reflected in my soul.

Until last night I have at least been functioning. With some effort, I have done what needed to be done. Still, the moments when I'm aware of my unhappiness are increasing.

I've learned to ignore it, for the most part, when the darkness starts to creep back in. . . but then something happens and my resistance breaks and I am overwhelmed.

I feel defeated. I am doing the right things but getting the wrong results. On one hand, I don't expect life to be fair, but on the other, I unconsciously hope for some karmic justice. . . or just a break.

I realize that there is so much more than I see, and applying Murphy's Law to my life is to only acknowledge as true that which I am aware of, but there's a disconnect between my head and my heart. Although I may recognize this, I still feel like I'm consistently failing.

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