confession

There aren't many things I'm good at.  Mostly, I'm not good at typical girly things, like cooking or shopping or thinking babies are cute. 

There are things, however, that I'm decent at.  Or, I'm interested in enough to want to get better.  For example, building things.  Using my hands.  Working and sweating and laboring to produce something...

When a church asks for volunteers to bring food to something, they may not say it but they are expecting women to respond.  If they ask for people to help with a construction project or yard work they assume men will show up.

To be completely honest, I feel like I don't belong.  I've tried for two years to be a part of a community and I still feel overlooked, unwanted, and pitied.  I've taken complete responsibility, telling myself I need to do something to fix it, but there's a little voice inside that keeps saying something isn't right.

When is it ok to give up and leave?

I'm tired of having to talk myself into going, and even more tired of how hurt and alone I feel when I leave.