Saturday, July 23, 2011

things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys

So, uh, February...
I want my money back.

I won't say it was all bad; my physical health is improving, I'm more nocturnal than narcoleptic lately, which isn't "normal," but really, it is. But while my physical health was improving, my mental/emotional health took a nose-dive. I didn't really admit it until after I'd taken inventory of my medicine cabinet and spent awhile pondering if the various remainders in those seven or eight bottles would be enough or if I'd just end up stuck with a ridiculous hospital bill (that possibility was more of a deterrent than anything else).

Life is hard enough when I'm doing well, but when things get dark and life gets complicated, its nearly impossible. Its during these times that Romans 8:26 becomes so real:

We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
I haven't been a fun person to be around in awhile, but I now know who my wheat is. And even though I'm disappointed to discover that some are more like chaff, I'm also more aware of my own tendency to let relationships drift when they aren't fun or personally beneficial to me. Community comes through action, refusing to settle into the passive "out of sight, out of mind" attitude that comes naturally. I'm learning that this thing we call Christianity isn't a before-and-after deal, but thats how we want to portray it. "Oh, I have Jesus, everything is fine now." That's such a lie, completely denying the need for a continuous relationship with the One who gives the grace. This journey, the process of becoming, that is where we live.
"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us."
-Anne Lamott

"We will mess up, we will hold on when we should have let go. We will walk when we should have ran, We will go when we should have stayed. We will hurt others when we should have loved, but God forgives, He forgets and best of all, He restores.”

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