I believe...?

Sometimes I don't know what to believe, or why I believe.

Do I believe in God's power? Yes.
Do I believe he can use it to intervene in the lives of people? Yes.
Do I believe he cares enough to intervene in my life? Eh...

When I look back at the last two years of my life I see a lot of pain and unnecessary trauma...I see me asking, no, begging God for relief. What I don't see is the "good" promised in Romans.

Am I mistaken as to the definition of "good"?

Good is not loneliness.
It is not tears.
It is not cuts.
It is not desperate prayers to be released, to die.
Good is not watching the doctors play games with my medicines, while I fall victim to every possible side effect.
Good is not having a disease with a stigma
And being told this disease is "treatment resistant"
In other words, we'll do our best but the best you can hope for is kinda sad with a plate full of side effects.