transition...?

On facebook there is a little box under your photo that tells you to "Write something about yourself." I don't remember when I wrote it, but my box reads "I live in the tension between extremes."

What does that even mean?

My computer has hundreds (thousands?) of pictures taken in 2007. Game nights, surprise parties, broomball, volleyball, concerts, and so much more. . .

The pictures from 2009? Ducks. Sunsets. Random things in my apartment. Art projects.

But people? Not many.

Its like I went through some sort of reverse metemorphosis, from a social butterfly back into a inactive caterpillar...

more than men (and women)

alternate title: "I lost my girl card, but after awhile I quit looking"

First go read Cole NeSmith's thoughts on Jesus and Masculinity. Although my own thoughts about identity/gender come from a different direction, I like his approach.

I think it started when I realized I didn't like kids (or, more accurately, kids didn't like me). I was a girl, and girls were supposed to babysit and gush over slobbery toddlers in onesies. . . But babysitting made me anxious, and I couldn't figure out how little ones were producing so much wetness (seriously, its everywhere!). Tiny feelings of inadequacy started to grow within me...

As I got older and discovered other "girlie" things that I was not good at or simply had no interest in those feelings grew. . .

cooking
fashion
the color pink
paying ridiculous amounts of money for a haircut
keeping pretty fingernails
shoes (I really don't like shoes)



To me, Macgyver beats Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart any day. Good reality tv is This Old House, not Americas Next Top Model.

little DIYs

My ghetto kitchen has no cabinet space, so I decided to add a small shelf about where I normally keep a small table. The table is in the process of being painted, I'll add a picture when its done (look for it May 2012 at the rate I'm going).



I kinda punched a hole in my wall, so my dad helped me replace the sheet rock and I've been adding coats of "mud" to seal it in.

with my mind on my money and my money on my mind

I hate money.

More specifically, I hate my dependence on money and my seemingly constant deficiency.


I know that I am a spoiled/blessed American who doesn't truly understand what it means to go without something I need, but that knowledge does not make it any easier to open my mailbox and face the reality of balances and due dates and expiration notices.

I'm not asking to be a kept woman, I would simply like the opportunity to work hard, doing something I feel good about, and earn enough to pay the bills.

My one-year anniversary at my current job is in a few weeks, and I can honestly say that I like my job. Some days are bad, I let it stress me out too much, but all in all, I like it.

I don't make much. After four [small] raises I am still making significantly less than I was at my last job. Still, that's not a problem. The inconsistency in scheduling is my nightmare, going from 30-something hours a week to fourteen and having no security even in that is killing me.


I need to make more money.
I need new health insurance.
I need to go to the dentist.
I need new contacts.
I "need " a lot of things. My highest concern at the moment is the extreme pain coming from someplace behind my eyes. Therefore, goodnight.